When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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