miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
