my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
