I'm going to jail i love you
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
