You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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