1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
