He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
