Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
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