I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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