just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize
