I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Randomize
