I hate all girls vehemently.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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