So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
