The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
