Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
