You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
40s are totally the cure
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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