yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
