im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
