Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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