i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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