Already got asked if we're dating
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
