In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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