we need to drink 2009 down the drain
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
