The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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