You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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