Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
