things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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