he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
