i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
