There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
