it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
