i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
