Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(213): View more from California

The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.

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(212): View more from New York

I'm drive I can fine osifer

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(334): View more from Alabama

Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.

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(519): View more from Ontario

So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker

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(719): View more from Colorado

You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.

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(310): View more from California

she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.

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(650): View more from California

I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?

(831): View more from California

I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak

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(260): View more from Indiana

How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.

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