why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
