Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
