my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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