Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
