she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
don't judge my taste in strippers
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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