two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
