You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
