toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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