Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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