Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
