I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
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