Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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