Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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