Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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