Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
