5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
You're like the curious george of whores
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
