I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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