I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
